So there’s this woman I know. She’s fabulous…talented, creative, kind, easy with a laugh and always ready to listen to what’s on your mind. And she’s one of the most hard working people I know. But no matter how hard she worked to start a regular exercise program–and she enlisted all the usual tricks and more–nothing worked.
Frustrated, burnt out, and ready to try anything, she asked for some coaching. In our coaching sessions together, we lifted up the hood and went exploring in search of what might be holding her back. And you’ll never guess what we found.
One day in a session a few tears formed in the corners of her eyes and started to leak down her cheeks. She grew embarrassed and apologized. She tried to push the feeling back down into the depths. “Whoa!” I said, “Don’t apologize–please, feel what you feel.” She was highly uncomfortable, to say the least. This is a very professional woman. But she temporarily left her comfort zone and allowed herself to shed a few tears. When the time was right, we got curious about what was under the sadness–and discovered that she was sad because she missed her dad who had passed away some years before.
But what we also discovered was that she believed she should be over his death by now. That she shouldn’t feel sad any more. We questioned this belief–is it true that when someone dies, there’s a point at which it’s no longer OK to feel sad?
No, we agreed. It’s not true. Missing someone you love after they’ve died is a natural part of life–and the sadness can actually be a way to connect to this person, to feel them in your heart. She gave herself permission to feel what she felt. And the energy she’d been using to keep the sadness at bay was now free to flow into other areas.
You may not believe what happened next–but it’s true. I promise. The next day she visited a gym near her work and made an appointment for a tour. The next week she joined the gym and somehow started waking up an hour earlier to exercise most weekdays. It’s been two years. She’s still exercising. And she looks and feels great.
After a whole lot of research, life experience, and working with clients, I’ve learned that if you boil things down to their essence (or pretty darn close anyway), there are two things that hold you back:
- unexpressed emotions
- unquestioned thoughts and beliefs (beliefs being those thoughts we think a LOT)
Try it for yourself:
- think about an area in your life where you’re stuck or something’s holding you back
- become an observer and get curious, watching yourself in this area as if you were an impartial witness
- when you notice yourself thinking about whatever it is you want to do and not doing it, notice…what are you thinking? What are you feeling? If you don’t notice anything at first, don’t be discouraged. Like everything, it gets easier with practice. And it’s a skill worth learning as it will change your life!
Questions? Want to try it out for yourself? Contact me and schedule a complimentary consult.
{ 4 comments }
Hi Jen,
I enjoyed reading this post. I especially appreciate your inclusion of an exercise. I’m going to observe some of my beliefs surrounding money. I often feel like I formed ideas about money as a child that I haven’t reevaluated or let go of as an adult. I’ll let you know what I discover. Thanks for the posts. Keep them coming.
Steph
Hi Steph. Thanks for your comments–good to hear you liked the exercise. I look forward to hearing what you discover. Another exercise you can do is to picture money as a person–what does he or she look like? Say? Act? How do you feel about this person? It can be an interesting way to explore your relationship to money.
Jen
It sounded like a simple exercise, but I know from experience it takes a lot to get to step 3. You’re great at drawing people out and helping them find their way to that last step. I will continue to try these steps with other aspects of my life. I’m sure at times I will be successful, and at other times I’ll barely break the surface. The fact that this exercise is an option gives me a lot of hope. Thank you for the post.
Thanks for writing JG. I loved hearing that the exercise gave you a lot of hope. Please keep me posted re what you find. Like everything in life, this definitely gets easier with practice. And the reward–a richer, fuller, easier life–is surely worth it.